Are you Listening?

The act of listening is probably the most powerful tool you have as a leader. There are many ways to listen; the most obvious is with your ears. The act of listening is carefully paying attention to sounds, not just to words. For a few moments, there is no judgment, no discrimination, no understanding; Only hearing. Soon our brain processes the information and that rowdy/hyperactive pit-bull pulling on a leash, starts barking in with ideas, assumptions, interpretations, and decisions. If we can keep that little pit-bull calm for a few minutes, we can listen with clarity.

Listening is not for ears alone. When we apply careful attention to our other sensory organs - our eyes, our nose, our skin, and so on - we develop a perception skill that few even know exists, let alone master. Listening as a practice leads to clearer perception of what is going on with the people on your team and in the organization you are leading.

Most schools don’t teach listening. Growing up, I never knew how to listen well. Instead, children like myself would just speak or try to listen. There is a difference in listening and trying to listen. The sad thing is most adults don’t know how to listen as well. Growing up the closest we get to practice listening is fun games like Where’s Waldo and I Spy and Memory Match Cards which emphasize keen observation but not listening per se. Very soon after, in the elementary years and high school years, we move our kids’ efforts toward more serious academic pursuits, usually involving a decade of preparing children for university. In the process, we produce well educated men and women with a need to demonstrate that they are the smartest person in the room. How many times have you come across this person in your career? Are you one of them?

So few kids have been exposed to the correct tools to help them become better listeners. Kids who do not understand the concept of school and fail to understand the academic side, soon find themselves hating school or becoming the class clown. Rarely do any develop listening skills.

Why isn't schools educating children on how to listen? In reality, listening is one of those qualities thought to be natural and people are born with. However, just like a new born puppy, we need to be taught to obey and listen. This will only lead to less conflict in society and to less confusion in all areas of life.

Five Steps to Listening Meticulously

1. Breathe. Find a quiet place. Sit still and comfortably with good but relaxed posture. Close your eyes. Breathe as fully and slowly as you can. Settle down.

2. Relax. Now open your eyes and look down toward the ground or to the table in front of you. You want to be awake and present while listening. What do you hear? Can you hear traffic? HVAC air blowing through a register? Birds chirping? People talking nearby? Your heartbeat? A dog barking in the distance? The blood rushing in your ears? A clock ticking? Your breath? Your mind is like a puppy. Let it roam around and listen to everything around you one-by-one, but keep your eyes open.

3. Concentrate. With your eyes still open, now count your breaths from 1 to 10. Every time your mind wanders away from this exercise, just come back to counting your breaths from 1 to 10. You will still be able to hear very well despite counting breaths. Now you are concentrating on one point amidst all the noise around you. Just breathe and count. You are training your mind puppy to sit instead of letting it roam around.

4. Wake up. You may get bored with counting to 10. You might get frustrated that you don’t get past 4 without ending up in a daydream. You might feel antsy. You might realize you are hungry. Whenever you notice that you are not counting anymore, you have a spark of awareness - you just woke up. Use that awareness and just come back to counting each breath from 1 to 10. Practice patience. Practice calm control. Practice staying present. You are training your mind puppy to come back on command, gently.

5. Practice. Do this for at least 5 minutes every day. If you enjoy it, do it for 10 or 15 minutes every day or do it several times a day. After 2 weeks, apply your newly honed concentrated attention on to the person speaking in front of you. If your mind wanders, or starts to get bored, or starts coming up with ideas while that person is speaking, use that same spark of awareness to come back to the person speaking. Come back to their voice, just like you came back to counting breaths from 1 to 10. With practice, you will notice that you aren’t drifting as much.

Listening is essential to building the relationships required and makes you a more effective leader. When a person is heard fully and completely, without interruption, without debate, they are more likely trust you. They are far more likely to be receptive to whatever ideas you would like them to consider - whether it is a request you are making of them or whether it is an opinion you would like to share with them.

It does not take much to practice this. Just takes a few minutes each week and you will be surprised at how far sharpening up your listening skills can take you. It all starts with self, so why not practice one of the most important skills in life. LISTENING.