“The former light-heavyweight champion Jose Torres once asked Mike Tyson what the best blow he had ever thrown was.’ Man, I'll never forget that punch,' Tyson said. 'It was when I fought with Robin [Givens] in Steve's apartment. She really offended me and I went bam, and she flew backward, hitting every fucking wall in the apartment.'” - David Remnick, writing in The New Yorker
A doormat is an inanimate object. You can wipe your feet on it, step on it, kick it around, or whatever you like. It has no will of its own. It can be your servant but not your lover. When we treat our spouses as objects, we preclude the possibility of love. Manipulation by guilt is not the language of love. Coercion by fear is alien to love. We may allow ourselves to be used, but we are in fact creatures of emotion, thoughts and desires. And we have the ability to make decisions and take actions. Allowing oneself to be used or manipulated by another is not an act of love. It is, in fact an action of treason. You are allowing him or her to develop inhumane habits. Love says, ‘I love you too much to let you treat me this way. It is not good for you or me.’
So, why did Rhianna return to Chris Brown less than a month after his violent assault, especially since she told police the incident wasn’t the first time he had abused her?
Among the many sad elements to this story are the backgrounds of both Rihanna and Chris Brown. Rihanna’s father was a crack addict and alcoholic who was abusive and then out of her life for several years until he got clean. Like Tyson, Brown grew up in chaos. In a 2007 interview with Giant, Brown said that his stepfather regularly beat his mother: “He made me terrified all the time, terrified like I had to pee on myself. I remember one night he made her nose bleed. I was crying and thinking, ‘I’m just gonna go crazy on him one day…’ ‘I hate him to this day.”
‘When you grew up in an environment where there is abuse, it's more acceptable to you,’ Oprah Winfrey said. ‘It's so sad that even when you grow up in an environment and you disdain that environment, you really cannot help yourself until someone helps you.’
Among the many sad elements to this story are the backgrounds of both Rihanna and Chris Brown. Rihanna’s father was a crack addict and alcoholic who was abusive and then out of her life for several years until he got clean. Like Tyson, Brown grew up in chaos. In a 2007 interview with Giant, Brown said that his stepfather regularly beat his mother: “He made me terrified all the time, terrified like I had to pee on myself. I remember one night he made her nose bleed. I was crying and thinking, ‘I’m just gonna go crazy on him one day…’ ‘I hate him to this day.”
‘When you grew up in an environment where there is abuse, it's more acceptable to you,’ Oprah Winfrey said. ‘It's so sad that even when you grow up in an environment and you disdain that environment, you really cannot help yourself until someone helps you.’
‘If you go back with a man who hits you, it's because you don't think you're worthy of being with a man who won't,’ Winfrey said. ‘I've said before love doesn't hurt, and if a man hits you once, he will hit you again.’
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