A 48 year old man walks into an francise of LA Fitness in Pittsburg and open fires on as many people as he can, unloading almost 40 bullets, killing 3 women, before turning the gun on himself.
His name is George Sodini and according to his online diary he hadn't had a girlfriend in 15 years but was confused about his lack of appeal to the opposite sex, calling himself "not ugly or weird".
He goes on to write "just got back from tanning ... I actually look good. I dress good, am clean shaven, bathe, touche of cologne - yet 30 million women reject me". Stating "a man needs a women for confidence".
Now I bring this up partly because it was all over the news yesterday and he is but one extreme example of those people on the edge of sanity, on the outskirt of normalcy. Just like the perpetrators of Columbine, the Unibomber, or a recently fired employer pushed to the edge by his boss, he too found the restrictions of society, the judgements of others and his inability to live up to them too much to bear.
Self esteem is an amazingly powerful aspect of the human psyche. On a lesser level all people grapple with it - whether it is fear of rejection, not feeling adequate in body image or intelligence levels. From the time simple communications with toddlers are possible we are showing and praising as parents or caregivers. As they grow and develop we carefully nurture their relationships with others, involve them in sports, music, swimming, martial arts (oftentimes without them even showing an interest or asking). In an effort to keep them safe and fulfilled we are teaching them one thing but disallowing them to learn about another - desicion making, failing.
As teenagers their cars now have specific keys with volume, speed and passenger restrictions. We take away the ability for the young person to choose right or wrong, the thinking is taken out as are the steps of learning and consequences. Oftentimes this generation is not required to work to earn money, parents referring to their own long days when they say "there will be a lifetime of work ahead" rather than teaching them responsibility and a work ethic and easing them into those long days slowly.
All of this coddling grows a generation of adults who need constant reassurance or they don't feel adequate. They are unnecessarily unsure of their decisions, feelings, motives. They spend too much, work too much, eat, drink, stress, compensate too much.
I think that as leaders we need to take responsibility for our own feelings of inadequacy, own our decisions and enable others to do the same. Not always easy to do, but I know that I daily allow my daughter to make her own decisions and (sometimes) mistakes.
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